Nostalgia
I've been having all these nostalgic moments lately.
Seeing Interpol at the Aragon - a venue I hadn't visited for a show since almost high school, it seems.
Running into random high school chums on Friendster and Myspace.
And then there's been the dreams. They've been interspersing the haze of my late morning sleeps. Most recently, this morning, I dreamt that I was at this campground I used to go to (Jellystone Park, in Portage, Indiana) except I wasn't with the people I used to go with. Instead I was with some people from high school. One who was one of the people with whom I've recently started conversing from back then, but the other was just this totally random guy who I swear I haven't even thought about. His name's Frank and he was on the swim team with me freshman or sophomore year and I had a pretty big crush on him (well, big for not realizing I was gay until a year or two later) and an even bigger crush on his even bigger brother.
In the dream, Frank and I are rooming in the same room on different bunks. It's more like a dorm than a campground, but whatever. We are laying on the same bed at some point and some heavy frottage commences. He talks a little bit about how much sexual tension we had between us in high school and then he gets up and grabs a towel and some condoms and tells me to follow him. We go to the communal bathrooms and he goes into one shower and I into the other but as I walk in, someone is walking out. I am all like, "whoa!" and back off and the kid just kind of looks at me. I look at frank who is naked and in the shower and sort of beckoning but at the same time definitely doesn't want this kid to know what's going on and sort of shakes his head no and says forget it. I'm disappointed because at this moment I realize it's something for which I've been waiting 14 years. Then I wake up.
This would normally go in the dream blog, but it ties so closely to the catalyst that made me remember the dream just now that it became a post about something more. I'd just walked out of Alliance Baker and there were these guys outside on skateboards. One of them attempted some trick of which I do not even know the name and the board landed with the board facing down and that loud -SMACK- was such a familiar noise it just seemed to be like Proust's Madeleine and evoked a veritable novel of emotion. Just like that -click click- of a skateboard buzzing down a sidewalk, still perhaps one of the sexiest sounds to ever stir my loins. I don't know what it is, but it really has this visceral effect on me and I get a chill.
Add all that to the fact that it feels like Spring today, and - more importantly - SMELLS like Spring, and I'm sort of high on memory today.
And so here I am doing my 21st century form of journaling so I can keep this memory of memories from forever being lost.
Seeing Interpol at the Aragon - a venue I hadn't visited for a show since almost high school, it seems.
Running into random high school chums on Friendster and Myspace.
And then there's been the dreams. They've been interspersing the haze of my late morning sleeps. Most recently, this morning, I dreamt that I was at this campground I used to go to (Jellystone Park, in Portage, Indiana) except I wasn't with the people I used to go with. Instead I was with some people from high school. One who was one of the people with whom I've recently started conversing from back then, but the other was just this totally random guy who I swear I haven't even thought about. His name's Frank and he was on the swim team with me freshman or sophomore year and I had a pretty big crush on him (well, big for not realizing I was gay until a year or two later) and an even bigger crush on his even bigger brother.
In the dream, Frank and I are rooming in the same room on different bunks. It's more like a dorm than a campground, but whatever. We are laying on the same bed at some point and some heavy frottage commences. He talks a little bit about how much sexual tension we had between us in high school and then he gets up and grabs a towel and some condoms and tells me to follow him. We go to the communal bathrooms and he goes into one shower and I into the other but as I walk in, someone is walking out. I am all like, "whoa!" and back off and the kid just kind of looks at me. I look at frank who is naked and in the shower and sort of beckoning but at the same time definitely doesn't want this kid to know what's going on and sort of shakes his head no and says forget it. I'm disappointed because at this moment I realize it's something for which I've been waiting 14 years. Then I wake up.
This would normally go in the dream blog, but it ties so closely to the catalyst that made me remember the dream just now that it became a post about something more. I'd just walked out of Alliance Baker and there were these guys outside on skateboards. One of them attempted some trick of which I do not even know the name and the board landed with the board facing down and that loud -SMACK- was such a familiar noise it just seemed to be like Proust's Madeleine and evoked a veritable novel of emotion. Just like that -click click- of a skateboard buzzing down a sidewalk, still perhaps one of the sexiest sounds to ever stir my loins. I don't know what it is, but it really has this visceral effect on me and I get a chill.
Add all that to the fact that it feels like Spring today, and - more importantly - SMELLS like Spring, and I'm sort of high on memory today.
And so here I am doing my 21st century form of journaling so I can keep this memory of memories from forever being lost.
posted by Brian at
4:06 PM
<< Home